I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. No, I didn't find this out by doing some stupid quiz on Facebook that asked if images that had small details missing bothered me, I have diagnosed OCD.
For as long as I can remember, my parents and myself knew there was something a little bit off. I obsessed over the most trivial things, and repeated behavior that had zero benefits, and a ton of negatives. I'm not talking about having a drug or alcohol problem, the things I obsessed over were, as I said, trivial as hell.
These rituals stop me from doing a lot of normal things in life. I have cancelled plans, not gone to parties, school, out with friends, and a ton of other things, simply due to the fact that I was not convinced I would be able to do my rituals.
My number one ritual has always been washing my hands. I need to wash my hands constantly, or at least run water over them. Whether it's thirty, forty, or fifty times a day, I never do it a "normal amount". Like I said, this is my main one, but the list of rituals is long, and always growing.
The main mistake that people make when it comes to OCD, is thinking that people with it are super clean and neat, or that if you show someone with OCD a picture of a floor with one tile misaligned, they are going to freak out. In my experience at least, OCD has less to do with a ritual or whatever, and more to do with how it effects your mind.
Not doing my rituals puts me into a state of panic and anxiety. It doesn't matter what the ritual at the time may be, but I need to do it, and not doing them opens my mind up to terrible thoughts. The first thing that happens is that I think of the worst possible consequence of not doing my ritual, and yes, dying is one of those thoughts.
I'm not going to go into detail of what OCD is and what it does, Google is there if you want to read more about it. This post is more about how it actually benefits me, especially in my work.
I love writing, I love spelling, and I love picking up on grammatical and spelling errors. My OCD 100% makes this easier to do, because my eyes are immediately drawn to the mistake and I can fix it.
It also makes me more organized, as I need to ensure everything is in it's place, on time, or finished, just to prevent myself from feeling the anxiety of not finishing work or not handing it in on time. Once again, not a bad consequence of OCD.
I can go on and on about why I feel my OCD benefits me. Ironically, I'm now obsessing over how I can explain OCD better, and my mind has gone blank on how to properly finish this piece. All I can say is, OCD may be a struggle at times, but I am grateful that it helps me in areas where I need it.
If you are a fellow OCD sufferer, or have any questions regarding it, please feel free to ask. I'll also be doing a follow up piece on what I do to cope with it, as well as how I deal with the anxiety it often causes.
Comments